I often think that 15 was the best year of my life. Really. I was still a virgin, I’d never tried a drug and I’d only been drunk twice. The summer I was 15, my boyfriend built me a treehouse in the desert between our neighborhoods. It’s since been bulldozed to build more neighborhoods — the southwest is nothing without its subdivisions and its strip malls.
We used to sit up there for hours and talk about J.D. Salinger, (yeah, I know), and when we weren’t doing that, we were driving up the mountain, or playing at the park, or just bullshitting and feeling infinite and all that other “Perks of Being a Wallflower” crap that everyone wishes could stay true forever.
I’ve always sort of wished I could go back there — especially when life is confusing or hard. I think this is why I had so much fun tonight.
I rode my bike to a party. I thought it was boring and my friends agreed. So we rode bikes to a park nearby. And we bought some Sparks — or, in my case a Tilt — and then… we just played. And bullshitted. And I felt years younger than I have in a really fucking long time.
It’s fair to say I’ve spent the past two years trying to get as fucked up as possible, as often as possible. It’s been kind of a nasty time. Though I’m overshare-y by nature, I’m not sure what, if anything, I’ll ever want to write about that. For one thing it’s embarrassing, and for another, it’s boring/common/overdone.
BUT, the point is… I’ve spent the past few years doing absolutely insane things to try and re-capture the way it felt to be 15. And tonight, in a new place, with new people, without any of my usual vices (not even cigarettes) I remembered, and rode home happy at 3 a.m.
2 Comments
July 12, 2008 at 2:04 am
Oh god. I really need to leave Phoenix. This post makes me feel that very strongly. Ugh. Stupid house.
I’m really happy you are writing this blog. Does this mean the death of your LJ? I have little use for mine anymore.
Anyway, you just got added to my Google Reader. Post away!
July 12, 2008 at 2:33 am
Yes, no more LJ. This will hopefully be much more relevant and wider read… I am trying to write about things that other people will relate to and tryinggg not to focus too much on myself. We’ll see how it goes.