Is this your first Sigg?

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To live in Phoenix you have to be a motherfucker.

I mean this in the best way. You have to be able to handle extreme heat, extreme politics, extreme boredom, extreme crime … the list goes on. In order to have fun you have to really dig your heels in. You have to search. It’s not easy.

And, it turns you into a motherfucker. This is not always a bad thing. Yeah, John McCain is an Arizona motherfucker, but so is Sandra Day O’Conner. For that matter, so am I.

People in Portland, my new home, are not. Oh they’re fuckers all right but more in that I-read-Pitchfork-every-day-and-can’t-believe-you’re-excited-to-see-Chromeo-next-week kind of way. Or that I-can’t-believe-you-forgot-to-bring-your-own-canvass-bag-to-the-store kind of way.

I have to laugh at this. The people here, they’re so soft. It’s kind of cute. I mean, they can’t drive for shit, but it’s so sweet that they’ll sit there and wave each other through stop signs regardless of who’s turn it really is to go. We’re so progressive we’ve moved beyond traffic laws here in Portland.

Within five minutes of walking or biking I can get to the best vintage shopping, the best bars, the farmer’s market, the independant movie rental shop, the vegan deli… the list goes on. And trust me, I am not complaining. The fact that in Portland you don’t really have to work for anything is something I’m still processing.

It’s a bit of a culture shock to move from the least livable city (outside, maybe, L.A.) to the most livable city in the country. (Even Richard Florida says so!)

Today I was at New Seasons, the overpriced, local version of Trader Joe’s. On a whim, I picked up a Sigg water bottle, mostly because I’m tired of the sneers I get when people see my plastic bottle of Evian. (Plastic bottles are bad for the environment. I don’t think we got the memo in AZ.) The woman who rang me up was beside herself with excitement. She actually asked, “Is this your first Sigg,” in the same tone my best friends ask, “What happened last night,” after a date.

She went on and on about how much better Sigg would make my life, how cold it would keep my water, how I could buy different tops for it. I just nodded. It took me until I was in the parking lot to figure out what she was even talking about.

Part of the reason I moved here was to be around people like this. I really do want this quality of life even though it takes some getting used to.

At any rate, it’s clear to me that PHX dies hard because yesterday I threw away some recyclables and on Sunday I fully would have eaten at Taco Bell if I hadn’t passed it while going down a one way street.

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Filed under Growing Pains

Tags: John McCain, motherfuckers, New Seasons, Phoenix, Portland, Sandra Day O'Conner, Sigg