worst day of the year.

This is a tough day  for me and my family. I hate the mental build up to the anniversary of Sal’s death and mom’s accident. I especially hate it because I feel like it’s been three years and I really should be able to think about it without crying.

But, I can’t. I still feel like I did in this picture, only three years older, 10 years smarter and a lot clearer about what matters and what doesn’t.

Boy am I looking forward to running later — I need to wash my brain.  And then I need to sleep for like 10 hours and maybe call my mother.



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7 responses to “worst day of the year.

  1. grams.....xo

    Meggie….seeing this picture here with Josh on your birthday at the hospital puts me right back in that moment too. 3 yrs have not eased things at all….at least it feels to me that we still seem ‘stuck’ in time.
    I keep trying to work the Serenity Prayer and just when I think Ive got it…I dont. I love you…..take care of you for us.

  2. meganirwin

    Stuck is the right word. Miss you Grams.

  3. It’s been a long journey, but we all did get here from there. The path continues, and we’ll all follow, sometimes in sadness and grief, sometimes with happiness and joy, sometimes dragging along, sometimes running (well – that would be you, most of us will just be walking really fast), sometimes trying to get away from something, but hopefully, more often than not, moving toward something. Each year the earth will spin around to this date, and the painful memories and feelings of loss will always be there waiting. We need to sit in the shadows with this sorrow, crying if that’s what comes up. I don’t believe any of us will ever get “over” this. But remember also the triumphs, the healing, the good times that far outweigh the bad. There are adventures ahead, Meggy B, and I’m open to whatever is waiting around the corner. Know that I love you always and forever. I appreciate all you’ve done, and honor all you’ve gone through.

  4. alexiscatherine

    I mostly love how our lives coincide and we are in each others brains but I do not love that we both experienced such horrible things this time of year, with your mom’s Sal and Josh’s Ricky. I was talking to Ricky’s mom a few weeks ago and she said “They say it gets better with time…but it doesn’t.” I agree. Time doesn’t fix losses, we just learn and grow and cope the best we can, with the help of others. I love you and am always here for you!

  5. marion

    bittersweet. i do remember how we tried to turn a waiting room into a makeshift birthday for you meg….

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